It’s a question that has plagued far greater thinkers than I, and driven men to the ends of the earth in search of the answer, I’m sure: what’s God like? Well, it’s obvious God must be a guy, otherwise men would have to suffer through childbirth and buy $40 bras, and women’s underwear would come…
Category: Comedic musings
A call to arms… or hands, at least
Okay, here is the obligatory appendix to the vocabulary renaissance piece. In my tirade about long-lost slang words, I hinted at yet another modern gem that has been mindlessly tossed aside. Yes, I’m speaking of the high-five. Ah… the high-five. What was once the most exuberant expression of excitement/greeting of choice, hands down (pardon the pun),…
A vocabulary renaissance
In the course of a lifetime, people tend to latch on to various trends of speech. Heavily influenced by pop culture, many of the words we use come from the music we listen to and the movies we see. But just like fashion, some of the words we use come with a shelf life. Everyone…
Stumbling around in time
Marty McFly had his DeLorean powered by the flux capacitor with 1.21 gigawatts. Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston Esq. commandeered a magical phone booth, with George Carlin as their tour guide no less. Hell, all Peggy Sue needed was a bump on the head. Since the dawn of speculation, great thinkers and morons alike…
We need labels…
Don’t you just LOVE pharmaceutical drug commercials? You know those commercials. The ones that always end with some guy quickly muttering the contents of the warning label attached to the drug: “Possible side effects include; headache, nausea, blurred vision, hemorrhaging from the ears, explosive diarrhea, heart and/or kidney failure, the rotting of sexual organs to…
Are you lost?
Everybody has one of those stories. You walk into a place, and it’s painfully obvious that you do not belong. Whether you were the lady that walked into the men’s bathroom, or the redneck cowboy that stepped into an elevator full of drag queens, everyone has had that feeling at one point in their life. …
Guess who’s back?
Well… didn’t my down days just about ignite a civil war in cyberspace? Gosh, I don’t know how, but it seems we all made it out alive. Phew… that was close! (Note to self: avoid that topic like the plague, at least for a little while) OK, everyone with me… deep breath… hold it… heavy sigh. …
Not quite sure what to do
Now I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not, but the overly sarcastic side of me apparently avoided paralysis, and claws its way to the surface quite often. Most times I can suppress it… but sometimes it just needs out, you know? Being a quadriplegic, I tend to find myself in precarious situations…
A technological rebirth
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, select, start. That’s right, you know what I’m talking about. No use in denying it. The infinite lives cheat code for Contra on old-school Nintendo. Anyone that took a single adolescent or teenage breath in the 1980s knows that code. Like most people, I got to the…
Kids do the darndest things
Don’t they? Everyone has a story about watching a child do something completely off the wall. And the best part about those stories, is the fact that you can hang them over this person’s head for a lifetime. Considering that I was the very definition of ADHD as a child, I unknowingly created many opportunities for…
Kenny Salvini 