Don’t you just LOVE pharmaceutical drug commercials? You know those commercials. The ones that always end with some guy quickly muttering the contents of the warning label attached to the drug:
"Possible side effects include; headache, nausea, blurred vision, hemorrhaging from the ears, explosive diarrhea, heart and/or kidney failure, the rotting of sexual organs to the point they fall off, even a small alien with a top hat jumping out of your stomach, and dancing a la Spaceballs."
All of this to cure pinkeye, or something like that. And what follows? They tell you to consult a doctor before trying said medication. A doctor? Screw that, I’m contacting a priest! CRIPES!!! I mean, I would kind of like to know if my attempting to clear up a staph infection is going to invoke the Apocalypse! I don’t care what is ailing you, those labels make you feel like the costs aren’t nearly worth the benefits. But hey, at least you know EXACTLY what you are getting yourself into, right? Now, wouldn’t it be just peachy if prospective suitors came with such labels?
Just think of how much easier dating would be, if we all came with labels. You would never have to worry about underlying issues again. All of your shortcomings would be broadcast to your possible love interest in the moment the first date began. Of course, everyone has their flaws, so it would be rather awkward at first. But after a few dates of hearing peoples’ warning labels, one would quickly realize which problems could be overlooked, and which were deal breakers.
For example, imagine two people meeting up for a blind date. Usually, their mutual friends would gush over how compatible the two would be, but this system makes that practice completely obsolete. Instead of that awkward "getting to know you" conversation at the beginning of dinner, each person’s warning label would sound off in the other person’s mind upon first eye contact. Maybe the guy’s label would go something like this:
"This person severely dislikes cats, seafood, and especially Tara Reid. He is an overall picky eater, with a serious sugar addiction. He has been known to watch the film Caddyshack repeatedly just for the "Dalai Lama" scene. Please consult your friends before dating this person."
And the girl’s would sound, oh I don’t know, something like this:
"This person severely dislikes anyone’s friends and family, especially those of the female persuasion. She is an overall compulsive liar, with a serious personality disorder. She has been known to fake serious medical conditions such as pregnancies and cancers in order to salvage relationships. Please consult… f*ck it, let’s be honest… RUN AWAY! AS FAST AS YOU CAN, RUN AWAY!!!"
Now hopefully, the male half of the duo would heed that warning, and save himself one hell of a tumultuous relationship. Don’t you see? Life would be SO much easier, if we could forego wasting so much time only to find out that the other person is OBVIOUSLY not right for us. Granted, we would also probably lose the whole "live and learn" aspect of being in relationships, but I never said this system was perfect. If nothing else, it would at least be advantageous to avoid the ridiculous mismatches that are only recognized when it’s too late. It’s early, it will definitely be a work in progress.