When you sleep just to dream…

It was one of those mornings where you wake up heartbroken.  It was only a dream?  But it seemed so real!  Every image so clear.  Every smell distinct.  Every feeling so intense.  You try to will yourself back to sleep and continue dreaming, because you know it has worked on a few occasions.  You just need a few more minutes inside that moment.  But this morning sides with the majority, and you just can’t.  You lay there in bed, savoring the echo of another perfect dream…
 
It began with a crisp night.  For some reason I am not tired, but beside me she is asleep, peacefully.  As usual, she has had a long night.  Ever my stubborn overachiever, she always has a thousand things going at once.  But she wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s cute.  She is dressed in her usual bedtime attire; pair of sweat pants, some random wrestling T-shirt of mine from college, and her hair pulled back in pigtails.  By far my favorite look for her.  She lies beside me, one arm thrown over my chest, one leg draped across mine.  My arm wrapped under her, her face rests in that spot where your shoulder, neck, and chest collide.
 
The window is open, and I can hear the rain outside, dancing on the tree leaves and concrete below.  The magical cadence is hypnotizing.  Shadows jump randomly across the wall from a candle she left burning.  The air holds a faint aroma of some cucumber concoction. A slight breeze coming from the window feels cool on my face.  Feeling the same chill, she releases a slight shiver, and buries her face a little deeper into my shoulder.  Just that minuscule movement, and suddenly I am overtaken once more by that "home" smell.  It’s just that smell that is all her… it can’t be explained or re-created, it’s just her.  Lightly playing with her hair, I kiss her softly on the forehead.  At that, she stirs just a little, and I wince, thinking I may have just awoken her.
 
She lets out one of her trademark half asleep groans, and her hand slides up to my cheek.  With another soft sigh, she gently brushes her nose up against my scruffy face.  She pulls away just enough for me to turn my head to face her.  Yet another little noise, as she opens her eyes just slightly.  Seeing my blues, a tired smile.  She asks me what I’m doing still awake, and I reply, "just watching a beautiful girl sleep."  She playfully nudges me in the ribs with her elbow.  "Hey, be nice."  A sleepy little laugh.
 
"Crazy boy," she says, fingers running through my hair.  Pulling my head towards her, she kisses me on the cheek, and hugs me tightly.  Again, that home smell.  She turns away, grabbing my arm and pulling it around her waist.  With a gentle ease, I pull her hips to mine, so there is no space between us once more.  Her fingers wrap across the top of mine, and I feel her body begin to give way to slumber again.
 
"Goodnight.  I lov………" and I’m awake.
 

Comments

  1. Wow

  2. I can\’t say will you marry me like they did.. I could never think of letting someone love me as broken as I am, because I know My end is coming alot faster than Most KNOW they all have one… but I sure remember being the smell of someone.. having my head in that space on the chest.. and knowing how it felt when my heart broke because he left when I got sick too.. My candles are still lit, and my window is still open tothe fresh air.. but pillows fill my bed and momories fill my heart..

  3. I truly hate when that happens….because you never can get back to where you left off no matter how hard you try. Then you just lie there trying to hold back that one tear, while you heart just slightly breaks due to the disappointment of "it was only a dream". At times I feel that my dream life is alot more exciting than reality…..sad huh!! in my dreams I\’m the Angelina Jolie / Tomb raider gal saving the world from distruction….hahaha….. and in the daytime….I\’m just a gal who works at a medical facility in the billing dept….which i love, but ……ya know…. fighting evil or falling in love in a dream is so much better.

  4. Reading this story and reading these comments as got me teary eyed. Gosh… what can I say, I\’m just speechless, and now you got all these girls falling over you, like someone said, don\’t make it get to your head, ahah, ok maybe just a little bit. This girl u\’r talking about really missed out, we girls can\’t find a man that loves us half as much as you love this one, I hope I do, and I hope you find someone too, not to take her place but to fill that space in ur heart that I think u\’re leaving empty.Keep on writing because I want to be nosy, and know more about you, lol.Peace, love and hairgrease.

  5. Jillian Claire says:

    OH MY GOSH.. you have such amazing writing skills. I\’m speachless now. SO AMAZING, YOU SHOULD WRITE A BOOK. I\’d certainly read it :). Happy days, take care love Jillian

  6. Just sent this to my fiance. You make such a difference.

  7. You give me goosebumps.

  8. Curled up in my own bed, alone, my heart ached for nearly a month because I knew that my fiance did not love me. He loved another woman. I kept thinking, what\’s wrong with me? What have I done that wasn\’t good enough? I gave him every part of myself! I couldn\’t figure it out. And each day, darkness enveloped a little more of my life.Reading that entry has given me pause, and allowed me to reflect on that…it\’s nice to see it from a guys perspective.If it\’s any consolation, not that I feel you need any, mind you, but I know. I keep waking up, and hearing a whisper, and thinking he\’s come back to me. And I\’m over him now! I don\’t want to marry him anymore! He hurt me too much! But the thought that some one did love me….for that brief moment in time….at least enough to want to hold me through the night…..That\’s a dream worth dreaming. Even though I know that I\’m going to wake up and hate myself, because of the dread….at least for a moment I lost myself in that dream of being loved, and loving again.You brought a little more healing to my life. Thank you.

  9. See, told ya I\’d be back. There\’s truth in your witing, your words. I enjoyed this very much.Email me if you\’d interested in writing.

  10. Well Done *claps* This is truly wonderful ive already posted a message on your other comments page however i wanted to leave another message because this dream is amazing ive read it 4 times, i love it. Its so real and alive with passion and feeling. I think someone else has also said this but I also feel attracted to you by your style of writing are you sure you arnt an author? because you should be with writing talent like that. I look forward to a second chapter of when you sleep just to dream, if there isnt one, id love for you to write one its one of those storys that makes you want to read on and on and on…please do write another one it would be exciting and fufilling to see a second installment of this magnificent story, which is so cleverly put together by such an honest and caring man. Oh how i wish i had someone with just at least an inch of caring and lovingness that you have kenny, you are a miracle in your own right, everything about you seems perfect with your stunning good looks, arousing personality and such a loving heart that you have, oh what i\’d give to have someone watch me sleep at night, to have someone hold me close and never let go to have someone tell me im beautiful…oh what id give to be that girl in your story…*sigh* Thank You

  11. That was beautiful.

  12. wow what a way with words…..

  13. and again….rendered completely speechless and yes left with those warm and fuzzy feelings…

  14. I\’m not paralysed when I\’m dreaming, either. Recently, i\’ve noticed, i seem to be shorter than everyone in my dreams. I guess tht comes with a 23 year perspective of a wheelchair. But my hands work fine – then I wake up – you\’re right, that can be SO cruel at times.

  15. Sighhh*wipes tears*What I\’d give….

  16. I had a girl like that I was shot 5 times and I couldn\’t walk for six months she left me during that time because she didn\’t know if I would walk or not. I have concluded my X girl was FAKE just like your X. Get over her she is not worth it.Take Care…

  17. Kenny, That was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Any girl that has someone feel that way about her is truly lucky. And any guy that feels the way you do is one amazing guy!Sarah

  18. ohhhhhhhhman dj sammy is playing heaven on the radio when i was reading that you no the slow song damn it i wana cry now lol

  19. This is probably the 4th time I\’ve read that entry and every time I read it my eyes well up.  You really do have an amazing gift to be able to place the reader into your mind\’s eye.  Hope ya don\’t mind, but I\’m becoming a big fan. Hope to see more of your stuff soon.

  20. i am the one reading this entry so late. and i so relate to it. I have a very sharp nose. it more that makes up for my weak eyes. and i am a sucker for good smell. when i was younger i still remember when my dad went on work trips i would smell his shirts and he is one guy whos sweat actually smells sweet and its kind a a mazing people say that smell is a big part of attraction and that women look in their spouses for the qualities of their dad . I have been lucky to find someone. and i love nestling in that lovely spot you described. your description is so graphic though i spend so many hours int hat spot every night i couldnt possible have made an entry and such a beautiful one  out of it..

  21. I am going to cry every time you write, I swear.
     
    I take a lot for granted.
     
    Thank you for your blogs…they are beautiful….they\’re life.

  22. Vanessa says:

    I could feel myself in that story….I could hear the rain, and feel the beautiful breeze.  What an awesome moment. Thank you for sharing your heart……I am trying to imagine what it must have been like for you to write this….these feelings.  We all sit here reading it going, "Man, that is awesome, and it makes me want to cry and I feel so great reading it, it makes me feel all lovey dovey." What is it like for you Kenny? I don\’t think the feelings you have writing this, are the same ones we have reading it. I don\’t think we as readers, can truly grasp the pain in your heart. I don\’t even know what to say, other than thank you for being vulnerable enough to write the way you do.

  23. Just beautiful.
    -Michelle           alabamagal.blogspot.com

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