claus·tro·pho·bi·a , n. – Abormal fear of being in narrow or enclosed spaces.

Claustrophobics are pansies.  Just kidding.  Well, sort of.  I was claustrophobic at one time, back in the day.  You want a cure for claustrophobia?  Try being paralyzed.  Seriously.  That will alleviate all of your concerns about confined spaces.  There is no tighter space to be trapped inside of than your own skin.  It’s enough to make the strongest mind go crazy.  It’s like a straitjacket for your entire body.  You can’t feel much of anything, and what you can feel is extremely hypersensitive.  I swear I have some sort of Spidey-Sense in the parts that I can feel.  Every sound is magnified, every taste glorified, every vision clearer, every touch intensified.

Before I was injured, most of the things I notice now I had never even thought twice about.  I lay awake at night, driven absolutely crazy by the smallest itch I can’t scratch.  For example, with any sort of air movement, I can tell you precisely where I have a piece of dry skin on my face.  At any given moment, I can also tell you exactly how many eyelashes have fallen out onto my cheeks, as well as their exact location.  I can tell you literally every part of my shoulder blades that touch the bed at all times.  Just the slightest discomfort can bring you to tears at times, because you lay there helpless, with no way to fix whatever the problem is.

Since that is the situation I find myself in quite often, and mainly around three in the morning when everyone is asleep, I have become a master of my own style of meditation.  I have somehow figured out how to ignore the things that make me want to claw my eyes out, for the most part.  And I thought I was a strong-willed and focused person BEFORE I got hurt.  Now that’s laughable.  I should be a Buddhist monk by now, considering what I am able to endure.  It’s amazing what you can handle when you when you literally have no choice.  Become a quadriplegic, and you become a freakin’ Zen master, I swear.

16 Comments Add yours

  1. Mandy says:

    You ARE the ultimate Zen master. Your courage and attitude are beyond description. I am so proud of the person you are and the road you have endured to become this amazing man. I promise to scratch any itch when I visit.

  2. Mandy says:

    I am on the case! Any new ideas or suggestions for "Mission: 3" just let me know! There is plenty of time to solve the "Mystery of the Girl Who Should Be in a Straight Jacket." Willing to help!

  3. Mandy says:

    rule number 36: do not choose a girl based on her knowledge of movies quotes, even if it is almost as pathetic as yours. 🙂

  4. Unknown says:

    Howdy there…Ok, just reading that, made me feel very claustrophobic. I am a pansie-claustrophobe… if I think about it too much, my toes get all weirded out and I have to take off my socks and shoes so they can breathe.Do you have an air mattress? Because they\’re really good for your skin and for comfort… (Sorry, just the nurse in me being concerned for ya 😉

  5. Darlene says:

    The quick red fox jumped over the lazy brown dog.

  6. Nunya says:

    Wow……I will never again complain about that itch under my kevlar vest! EVER!

  7. Angélica Katherine says:

    Hi! I\’m a peruvian girl, i\’m really amazed by the way you write and think, i wanna congratulate you and of course say thank you cause find a person like you (even though i don\’t know you just by your blog you know) make me think and trust much more in God\’s existence, i really admire you, your confidence, courage and your incredible fortitude. Here in Peru in a little town calls Motupe there a religious celebration of a Miracle Cross today is the central day, my mom belives in that Cross She said that makes miracles, i don\’t know could be, i just think that is enought to say a litlle pray to God, but with all your faith and that\’s enought to make a miracle. So i\’m gonna do that today, that pray will be for you and all the people who sufer any disease, i will ask to God to give you faith and strength to get it over and understand (like you already did) that life is just a test and we ALL have to pass. Well i\’d like to say more things but i have to improve my english, anyway read your blog also help with that so thanks again Kenny. God bless you bye bye…

  8. Thot says:

    gotta be the best blog site I have seen…an education in each paragraph. I have often wondered what someones thots might be ever since encountering a quadraplegic in Burley Idaho some twenty years ago. Thanks for answering my long held questions…with such candor and intelligence…in so many ways you are to be envied…my best to you in your continuing efforts

  9. Unknown says:

    Being a total pansie myself, you have just completely alterted my feelings on small spaces, and life generally. Wow, you are just such a strong person. And you sure can write 😀 that one about the dream almost made my cry.

  10. Pedro says:

    Good to know you don\’t have a paralysed mind. Keep on fighting; never surrender. Feed your mind, play the game through to the last level.Take care (In your case let others take care of you)

  11. Unknown says:

    Reading your entries made me laugh and cry at the same time (I love it when the happens)

  12. M says:

    Hey dude! your space is like cool like blog r just amazing funny too nice job!!!

  13. Unknown says:

    I guess my little 8 weeks in a TLSO Brace (so far) and its confinement seems like a pretty weak argument. I know what you mean about the itch that can’t be scratched. And I understand the sleepless nights waiting patiently for my wife to awake to scratch it for me. Thank for the advice about meditating, and about waiting for that special one in your life, very true. That storey of the blocks and round holes is true, luckily my wife found me. Oh yeah I almost forgot, medicated gold bond powder and lotion, My umm …. Lower part has seen some of those sores you wrote about; being in my condition and my wife says my skin looks better now. Cheers, David

  14. Keith says:

    PERFECT! Excellent explanation – I have done the same thing so many nights, I really do now precisely what you mean. I remember when I was first hurt, and I still had \’tongs\’ in my head – (2 points instead of the 4 a \’halo\’ provides during traction) i would literally cont the minutes until my favorite nurse came on duty – favourite because the had long fingernails and would scratch my head. I definitely understand, man.I can tell you that your mibd will only get stronger. I bet you\’ve noticed you have a LOT more patience now than before you were injured, no matter whether you considered yourself to be patient in the first place. Same with itches – you\’ll be putting them out of your mind before you know it. You\’ll find that you forget about an itch and may only remember it hours later and you\’ll say to yourself "wow i forgot to ask ,whoever you last saw) to scratch my head – i forgot i had an itc…" Same with Phantom Pains. Actually, since pain medicine doesnt work on that, you only have that \’Zen\’ thing to help you – and trust me it will.Take care manBuzz (Keith)

  15. patrick says:

    dude, you are seriously the coolest guy i dont know. you must have an amasing personality, because you are able to make fun of yourself, something most people cant do, and even more than that, make fun of your disabilty, that which can cripple your spirit faster than it crippled you physically, keep on doing what ever it is that makes you happy man. love, peace and chicken grease

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