I wake up in the morning having had another one of those dreams where I regain movement in my arms and legs. They are always so vivid, so clear. Every touch completely realistic, every smell so real you could almost taste them. It starts out slow, me faintly beginning to move. At first, I don’t believe it. Then I concentrate a little bit, and find that I actually am moving just slightly. I pick my hand up just a few inches off my bed, and it falls limply back down. "You can do this, Kenny," I remind myself.
I focus on that one hand only, but nothing. Come on. After a few more tries, it comes into the air again, this time higher. I slowly bend my fingers in and out, feeling the tightness that has built up from over a year of paralysis. I rub my hands together, and savor the rush of sensation. "Welcome back, boys. It’s been awhile." I run my hands over my body, feeling each muscle begin to come to life. It is a long, drawn out process, but I slowly gain more motor function until I am able to sit up. I run my fingers through my hair and across my face. I had forgotten what everything felt like, it had been so long. I lay myself back down to rest after an arduous work out of movement, and then I wake up.
Every time I wake up from one of those dreams, I swear it wasn’t one. It couldn’t have been. It was real, it happened this time. "OK, one more time," I think to myself. I take a slow, deep breath, and prepare myself for another workout. I look down to my hands once more, and tell them to move. They don’t. What about my elbows? Nothing. Shoulders? Same story. This can’t be happening… I JUST moved 10 minutes ago. I just need to concentrate, that must be the problem. I’m just not focused enough. Maybe I will start with my legs. Again, nothing happens.
NO! IT JUST HAPPENED!! I KNOW IT DID!!! This is about the time that it just becomes pathetic. My conscience of course knows that it was just a dream, but my mind is not willing to accept that fact. For hours on end, I desperately focus on my body, begging it to move again, with no result. I try focusing on the smallest of movements… just bending my fingers or toes, anything. But still, nothing happens. My face covered in tears, I finally give up, crushed. Looks like it’s another day of being paralyzed, let’s just hope I don’t get stuck somewhere in between reality and my dreams again tonight.