Separated at birth

You know, if I wasn’t feeling ridiculously lazy at the moment, I could have done some research for this entry.  I could’ve spouted off some glorified statistic on how many people one person makes acquaintances with in their lifetime, but really, wouldn’t that just be overkill?  Instead, I will just use the broad measurement term "shitload"… I think it’s metric.  No really, I think it is.  Anyhow, I think it’s safe to say that during the course of a lifetime, we meet a shitload of people.
Out of those acquaintances, we probably make hundreds and hundreds of friends.  These are the people that could probably share a funny/quirky/embarrassing anecdote about time spent with us at some point or another in our lifetimes.  In that group, there will be dozens of good friends who will pick us up at the airport, let us sleep on their couch, and probably know a couple of our secrets.  Then there is that handful of truly great friends.  These are the people that will lay down in traffic for us, bail us out of (or join us in) jail, and stand next to us at our wedding.  But if we are really lucky, we will find one or both of the two rare versions of very best friends.
Both are the kind that you know for a fact will be in your life forever.  The first, is that best friend that captures your heart as well as your friendship.  They will be at your wedding also, walking down the aisle with you.  That would be your soulmate.  The other version, equally as rare, is that one person that you just swear you were separated from at birth.  This is the person with sole veto rights to that aisle walk.  I call that your twin.  I would like to introduce you to my twin. 

Okay, so she may have been born a few weeks late, but given some of the medical stories I’ve been fed lately, I’m sure it’s possible.  We were "reunited" a decade ago through a mutual friend, and it’s been sheer comedy ever since.  Apart, we are probably two of the goofiest and silliest people you would know, but together we are at a whole new level.  Our senses of humor are literally identical.  If she thinks something is funny I will think it’s funny, and vice versa.  I can almost guarantee that our top 10 favorite movie lists are a match.  We have been known to carry on lengthy conversations using nothing but quotes from "Dumb and Dumber", "Liar Liar", and "So I Married an Ax Murderer."  Our favorite part of the movie "Vanilla Sky" is where Jason Lee says "I am Frank, and Frank must go.  I good you bid evening."  She’s smiling right now as she reads this, I promise.

Typical of a best friend, she holds jurisdiction over many aspects of my life, especially those concerning style and love.  You see, what you need to understand about me, is that I really don’t have a great amount of style.  Lucky for me, I have her.  She keeps me from looking like an idiot.  She is an amazing hairstylist, and I am her guinea pig.  I sit down in her chair, and give her free reign over my mop, and I always come out looking good.  If it weren’t for her, I would probably have a mullet or something.  Okay, maybe not, but you never know.
As for matters of the heart, I can trust her to give it to me straight.  She is an excellent judge of character, and extremely critical of who I give my heart to.  Ever since my last year or so of college, she has been has been my saving grace when it comes to dating.  She knows what I need, and will slap me with the truth when I am trying to round corners off that square block in order to make it fit the round hole in my heart.  Sometimes I don’t like what she has to say, but I always know that she’s right.
If she considers you as close as family, she will never use your name.  She is THE improper noun queen.  I’m not Kenny… I’m "Friend".  My family is "The Mama", "The Daddy", and "The Sister".  Without fail, I am greeted with a "Hi Friend!" when I answer her calls.  She is notorious for having epic answering machine messages, where she dons countless accents, personalities and idiosyncrasies.  My personal favorite was when she was an angelic Christmas caroler one second, and a satanic stocking vandal the next.  Many times after not hearing from me for a little while, I have received a message from her threatening to revoke my best friend status if I don’t call her back.  She has obviously never made good on those threats.  
Our friendship has literally stood the test of time… three years to be exact.  We somehow lost contact during college while I was in a relationship and she was engaged, which she insists is all my fault, though she knows we BOTH are two of the worst at keeping in contact.  Typical of a twin though, she randomly called two days after a tough break up… and we have remained inseparable since.  Granted, I now have a little competition for her attention… she has a wonderful little boy, and a special guy that loves her, but I know we will never part ways again.
She is the one person that has repeatedly picked me up when I’m down, and kicked me square in the teeth when I’m being stupid.  I love her to death for that.  I heard a saying once that definitely applies to us: friends are the family you get to choose.  Man, I really am blessed with a great family.  The best part of all… her name is Jenny.  Kenny and Jenny, even named like twins.  Isn’t that just sick?  Oh yeah, did I mention she coined my nickname?
Love ya Friend.

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